My car has been returned to me and so far it’s driving like a charm. No blinking engine lights or smoke coming from the hood! Just how I like it! They replaced a bunch of hoses and some other mumbo-jumbo crap, but whatever. Maybe I can get another 100 thousand miles out of this thing? Hah, right. I wish.

I’m glad to have it back though, I was driving Shawn’s car (a Dodge Intrepid) and it felt more like a boat than my little go-kart Beetle. Parking at work was like a 30 minute affair, and getting out of the space was even more work. The person in charge of creating our garage had to be plastered. Once I was attempting to get in a space and scraped the side of my car on a cement column. I was totally embarrassed but when I got out to look I realized I wasn’t the only one–it was covered in paint from tons of cars who cut it too close.

Despite having my own means of transportation, I’m working from home again today, sick as a dog. Shawn did it. He’s been sick for a week or two, called out 3 days of work and by the time he’s gone back I’m laying out. He thinks it’s the flu but I have no idea what it is, all I know is that my head is going to explode from the pressure build up. I can’t breathe.

We got a second guinea pig last night so Apple has a friend. We named her Data. Hahah I’m sure you all know who is responsible for that one. I’ll have pictures sooner or later.

I think I might head to Sonics for some fast food, I’m sick and someone’s gotta pamper me.

Don’t ever forget that there are tons of crazy people on flickr. I just wanted to look at cute little guinea pigs, not ones that were grilled and on a stick.

It’s now technically Tuesday which means… dun dun DUN! I have officially been smoke free for ONE WHOLE WEEK now! I can’t believe it… I feel so victourious! Like jumping up and down and saying yay, Kelley, you did it!!! Let’s go shopping!!!!

Well, maybe not as many exclamation points, but I am quite happy with myself. Hopefully I’ll sleep better tonight than I did last, but either way in about a week I should be fine. Sadly I do seem to be coming down with a funk that’s had Shawn feeling bad since Thursday. It could be sinuses because of the weather change (blackberry winter!)… but this feels like sick, worse than sinuses. It’s been forever since I’ve been sick–I don’t think I’m up to the challenge. Plus Shawn called out of work Friday, then again today after laying out all weekend. I know guys tend to over do it when they’re sick (don’t even deny it) but I think he actually feels really bad.

I struggled for a bit tonight but I finally got MonsterIDs working! Woo! For those of you who don’t have gravatars, you should have a little monster icon now A random monster is generated for your email address and it will show up next to your comments instead of that big, ugly, blue G. Word.

I fucking knew I should have never said anything to my grandfather about the car. There was a reason I hadn’t but when I talked to him yesterday, I brought it up. At first he made me feel better because he said he come look at it–I don’t know why, he’s always taken that fucking car straight to Volkswagen. It’s his damn fault I paid so much to fix it last year, because he gave them the go ahead to do whatever they “found” and you know how stealerships are.

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I fell asleep around my normal time for a work-night but woke back up at 2 or 3 something in the morning. I was wide awake and Shawn was watching Juno. I actually liked it for the most part, sometimes I found Juno pretty annoying (when she’d talk about music, mostly) but Shawn raved about the soundtrack. I liked it a lot as well, it had songs on it that Shawn introduced me to (by Kimya Dawson & Cat Power). It makes me laugh because about a week or so ago, someone I stopped talking to a year ago started talking to me again. He told me he’d just watched Juno and that it was a good movie, but he couldn’t stand the soundtrack. Discovering that we really liked it made me laugh and realize why he and I never really got along too well, along with a million other things.

I didn’t make it back asleep until 6am. Maybe this is the “not being able to sleep well” part of my nicotine withdrawal but nothing irritates me more than not being able to sleep. Specially on a Sunday night considering I usually work 12 hours on Mondays. Of course once I finally made it to sleep I start having crazy fucked up dreams/nightmares. In one of them I lost my purse in the grocery store–the second time I’ve dreamt this scenario lately, and Les was there both times. I Hate The Juno Soundtrack Guy made an appearance in more dreaming and he was pressuring me to have a cigarette. Which now that I think about it really reminds me of how things were between us before we lost contact. I ended up having one. But I’m actually coming up on a week of being smoke free tomorrow! *dances* According to the internet I’ll be in the clear physically in just one more!

Well, even though my car is about dead–or whatever the hell is wrong with it–I’m going to hold off on getting a new car–I think. I want one, real bad, I’ve wanted one for a while… but I’m finally in a place where am financially at ease. No fuckin money troubles here but it just figures that I’d end up with an issue that could change that. Shawn has offered to let me drive his car, Les has mentioned that it’s possible she can pick him up sometimes (he goes in earlier than me, I get off later than him) so maybe it will all work out allowing me time to actually think about what I want to do.

A weekend of almost going car shopping but then not has me wondering if it is supposed to be that way. What if my car is an easy fix? I really don’t want to spend an extra $300 a month for a new car (or whatever it may cost), but like Eric said, a car is what you need most. It’s hard to make money in this area without your own transportation. I’m just going to drive Shawn’s car for a bit to figure out what to do. I think I’ll even let my grandfather have a look at mine, I would feel SO shitty if it’s an easy fix and here I am with a new car.

Sometimes, I’m afraid I’d miss the beetle too much.

Grandpa just called. He’s going to look at it tomorrow while I’m at work. As much as I’ve wanted to rid myself of that car, I’d be more than relieved if he found that it was just something small. I’m feeling much happier now, and my depressed mood has slightly lifted. I’ve been sad all day, maybe it’s the rain, but mostly the thought that something always comes up when you’re feeling best. Last year I put 6K into that car and I’m not willing to do it again.

Yes, yes, I have mutual funds from my parents’ death 18 years ago. Yes, I never talk about it. Yes, I’m sitting on quite a bit of money that I don’t want to fucking spend anymore. This fact drives me fucking insane. I’ve been fucked over and put in bad positions where I’ve had no other choice but to spend it. I admit sometimes I took out extra to spend on things I didn’t need… but I don’t want to live like that. It’s been drilled into my head that it’s so important that it’s come to be more than just money to me. It’s a thought, an idea of what could have been. My brother and I were put through absolute fucking hell as children, hell most people can’t imagine, and I hang on to that money like it’s my only connection to my parents. It sickens me, nothing will ever come close.

Money shouldn’t have that affect on someone. Spend it and be done, it means nothing more. It makes me angry, really angry. Angry to the point that this feels like the first time I’ve even mentioned it on a blog where I’ve been writing for over a year.

Today’s my fourth day of no smoking, I’m very excited about this! I wasn’t sure if I’d even make it this far

I’m working from home because of the situation with my car… I didn’t want to risk breaking down, especially after I made it back safely yesterday evening. I’m chilling out in my underwear and feeling nice and relaxed, no moodiness today. I love it how I gage my status of quitting by how bitchy I am.

I’m already feeling a lot better physically. I’m sure it’s the combo of vitamins, better food AND no smoking but I think some of that yucky stuff is trying to make it’s way out of my system. My throat feels kinda mucusy (gross, sorry) like I sat up smoking all night. I’ve also got an odd taste in my mouth so I’ve been chugging ice water all morning.

I feel some shopping coming on this weekend! WOO! Maybe even for a car. Dammit, that thought totally ruined my good mood. As if the entire situation doesn’t suck enough on it’s own, just yesterday morning I put half a tank of gas in it. I want my $20 back!

You cannot do a thing about yesterday. It is gone forever and can never be changed. Tomorrow never comes. Even when the clock crosses midnight you are not dealing with tomorrow, it is now today.