DUDE, I am completely surprised and elated by the fact that the first episode of Rock Of Love 2 is coming on tonight. I wasn’t even for sure if they were going to be starting it back up, but to just be sitting here minding my own business and see previews for it, that say TONIGHT at 10/9 central just really made my fucking day.
That says a lot because I’ve been having a shitty, stressful day. But I guess you could say I asked for it, cos I did. Some people just won’t change, and it’s not that I’m expecting him to. I honestly, truthfully don’t even know why I allowed him back in my house. He has made me nothing but pissed off.
How in the fucking hell did I spend 2 years with Paul? I mean… my god. We were in a fight before I’d even been around him for an hour. He was just being his typical old self, requesting things that made no sense to me unless you’re up to something shady. I’m stupid I know, rub it in, please. He pushed and shoved and tried to make me cave. Considering I feel stupid enough for even being around him, I can at least hold my head up high for the fact that I told him to fuck off.
It’s just… there’s a guilt that lies deep down inside me, and sometimes I feel as though his problem is my fault. The logic inside of me says no, it’s not that way. I am not in control of anyone’s actions other than my own and regardless of whether or not I enabled him in the past, it doesn’t change the choices he decided to make. Slowly but surely I’m learning my lesson, and I just don’t think I need the closure of seeing him well anymore. It may sound cold and it may sound selfish but it is no longer my problem and I don’t know that it’ll happen anytime soon. I just don’t care anymore. He’s put me through enough that I can say you know what, if anyone wants to hold it against me that I was young and naive and had no idea that my actions would allow this person to be a total fuck up, I’ve paid my dues. I’ve done more than enough to save this young man and even though I’m not in his life any longer, I STILL found a needle in his backpack.
That, for sure, is no longer my fault.
January 18th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I read your post, I don’t know your history or his history. I think if you tried to help him stop that is good, and that might entail kicking him out. I know of a woman with a kid and a husband that takes drugs and she doesn’t want to face it and he gets high on meds and I see that her main problem is that she isn’t facing it and doing something about it and till now isn’t ready to leave him. I see it as such a sad thing for her poor kid. It’s good you made it out.
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January 18th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
lol, thanks for the input but I kicked him out a good while ago. He was in town for a day but is gone again. I doubt he’ll be back…
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