Suddenly I’m really into drinking beer again. I use to get tore up every night a couple of years ago but one day I just stopped. I’m not sure why I stopped or why I’ve recently picked it back up.

Last night Kristen went to the grocery and brought me back a 12 pack. I started to drink as soon as she got home with it, and at midnight or so (I guess I have no clue what time it was) Paul and I took Lola Bean out. We sat on the front porch until the 12 pack was gone…

Aaaand cue the waterworks.

Sometimes when I get drunk I like to cry, and unfortunately for Paul last night was one of those times. Even worse, at the time I felt like I had sooo much to cry about. Poor Paul, he handled it well. He assured me that these are things that I need to just let out. I sort of disagree with him there because it won’t ever go away. It’s just the hand I’ve been dealt, and most of the time I don’t see what good being upset over it will do.

I hate how shitty I always feel post-drunk-mental-breakdown, not physically but I’m usually hard on myself for getting upset. Last nights little meltdown wasn’t that big of a deal because I cried to Paul, my lover, someone who will no doubt see me be overly emotional and provide a nice shoulder to drench. I wish I could remember how the subject was even brought up, so perhaps I can figure out a way to avoid this situation all together. Or maybe I should just let it happen, perhaps it could be good for my relationship. Ha ha haaaaaaa ha. Probably not.

Filed in Paul, Personal, Shit! on Wednesday, August 1, 2007 ·