Lookie what I found on Myspace today… dun dun DUUUN!

Thursday, January 25, 2007
ive got ur number, see if i call again….
Current mood: cynical

my whole perspective on life has changed dramaticaly over the past few weeks. turns out the people who i held closest to my heart could care less what the fuck is goin on with me. the only time i was ever called was when u were bored. well, the next time ur bored call someone else. i have no time for people who have no time for me. i might sound a little hypocritical but im seriously trying to stay away from all forms of drugs. anyone that i know that does do drugs, good for you, but i dont NEED drugs to feel good about myself so dont push that shit in my face.

I know I should not even acknowledge that because adding fuel to the fire is that last thing I want to do, but it’s just.so.funny. I don’t think he knows about my blog or I’m sure this entry would have caused the shit to hit the fan. But nothing more has happened so I think I’ll be safe to laugh at this here without sending anybody over edge. And, if it does, well, then.. oh well. I think he is a little on the delusional side and it really makes me laugh that he thinks people have pushed drugs in his face. Do what? I’m not even going to start on the whole, me only calling him when I’m bored thing. If I’m busy, I’m busy. Go fuck yourself!

I need to post something of interest so my despair visitors have something to actually comment on but I’m feeling surprisingly random and I’m at work trying to kill 41 minutes before I get to go sit in 30 more minutes of traffic. Lesley told me that Nashville is one of the highest traffic cities. Yay for Nashville!

I’m so tired. Maybe next time I’ll have something good to say.

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Is this who I think it is?

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“I love you sweetie. You are always there for me.”

“Even when I haven’t shaved in centuries??”

“Especially.”

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Today has been a different day. It’s kinda stuck to yesterday so I’m having a hard time separating the two. It feels like it’s been one very long, very very odd day. I tried to write a bit this morning around before I got into bed around 9 or 10. It was unsuccessful though cos the letters just wouldn’t sit still and before long it became exhausting.

I love weekends. I love the carelessness and lack of responsibility (on a good one). I abuse my days off like no other. It makes me happy. I feel like driving to nowhere in particular, just to drive. It feels like a chore more often than not and when I want to go it’s hard not to.

Sooo… This morning. After I gave up here I moseyed on over to flickr and looked at photos for what seemed like forever. They were so good and pretty, it really made me want to get a nice camera and perhaps see what happens? Even if damage is all I can do it would still be nice to have lots of photos. I stopped taking so many when my Cybershot broke. I manage to make it work but it’s so… pitiful, poor thing.

I got a call this morning from a number I didn’t recognize and was… alarmed? I can’t think of the right word to use cos I can’t decide quite how I felt about it. I think it’s played a part in why today has been so silly. I was way out of it, I get a little strange if I’ve been involved with sleep. Morning is a very delicate time of the day, it’s so easy to screw up.

I need to take a shower and do something with myself, but I can’t stop thinking “I’ll get off my computer after I listen to one more song…” I’m bad about that, how is staying in bed for five more minutes going to hurt my day? But then that becomes an issue because 5 minutes will turn into practically an hour, or in more extreme cases a good six.

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As I get older, part of growing up includes getting rid of all unnecessary drama wherever possible. I know that my life will never be 100% drama free, but if avoiding it at all costs can make the amount of bullshit I have to go through decrease then so be it.

I guess it never really bothered me, and I truthfully sorta enjoyed shit-stirring up until things started happening that were beyond my control… when I moved out on my own, for example (which is an entirely separate story on it’s own). In the first 6 months of my free life I had no idea that things could be so complicated and annoying. It got old and really really irritating so I did what any person who wants to be sane would do and said ‘Peace out!’. I moved for a second time, broke up with my boyfriend, and avoided anybody who rubbed me the wrong way as well as anyone that likes to be rubbed the wrong way for the sake of starting a fight.

But sometimes they worm their way back into your life, or manage to somehow get skipped over on the People Who Really Make My Life a Living Hell list. Sometimes they’re so hungry for drama they just won’t go away…

Small things like not being able to spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week together is enough to set one off. So, of course, fight number one is inevitable. Then there’s the issue that, OH MY GOD, you haven’t called me in three days and I haven’t seen you in four, let me start a fight about that while I’m at it.

I usually have no problem laughing about it but when someone calls me at my workplace in attempts to chew me out about issues that I am not even aware of (not that I would care either way) is crossing the line. If something makes me angry enough to not even fight back when someone tries to blame things on me, like, a lost job for instance, then you’re just gone to me. I don’t like to play petty little games with people who can’t manage to act even half their age. I deal with these sorts of things by ignoring them.

I guess hanging up on people isn’t enough though because last night I came home to find a picture propped against my door. A picture that has traveled from my brother’s house, to me, to Paul’s house and then to previously mentioned insane person who thinks it is necessary to return things that I had completely forgotten about. But that’s fine, I’m going to keep the damn picture and even put it up on my wall… just to remind me that my brother is so much cooler than YOU WILL EVER BE.

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I’ve been up all night eating Skittles…

I’m not supposed to do that anymore.

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Lesley: the real reason im not cleaing too much is cuz we are moving no reason to clean if ill be moving in a month.

Me: for real why clean it’s just going to get messed up all over again

Lesley: ill just bag it all up when i move toss it in the garbage

Me: but i’d say a month is a lil early to quit cleaning

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